Bag lady

Earlier in the week, whilset still feeling relatively well,    I made myself have a go at making a cross body bag, sized for my phone. 

I watched a Craftsy lesson ("Zip It Up: Easy Techniques for Zippered Bags" with Joan Hawley) on it, which was very helpful.  I brought my sewing machine downstairs to the kitchen, which was a first.  It threw DH a bit,  he's used to seeing the overlocker downstairs, but he's never seen my sewing machine there. I did explain that it was just while I was having a go at making a bag.

After the video, I remembered that I had bought  Dog Under My Desk's "Zip and Go" bag pattern some time ago, which is for a similar bag to Joan Hawley's bag,  but has the benefit of a second zipped pocket (rather than an open pocket).  

I decided to use that instead, but bearing Joan Hawleys's excellent tips in mind.

I gathered my fabrics, zips, interfacing.  I got out the table-top ironing board,  fired up the iron,   and got started.     I took time with my cutting, interfacing, pressing and sewing.  I followed each step carefully, and I found the pattern instructions easy to follow.   I was amazed at how well I'd managed to pattern match around the two zips.    It was all going so well..... until I got to the final bit of sewing, before turning the bag through,

Fail.

I looked at what I'd done, I looked at the pictures, and I just couldn't work it out.   I unpicked the last bit I'd done, and went back to the last step I had been able to follow.     

It's my fault, I have terrible diagram dyslexia. When I am first learning how to do something, I need pictures and diagrams to be accurate,   I was thrown because the bag in the picture no longer looked like my bag.  I realised that they had obviously gone back to take these particular pictures after a later step.  I know this because the bag in the pics had had the zip ends trimmed off,  but the zip trimming was a later step. 

 We were at the stage where the pics just showed layers of lining,  which was all white.  My linings were all white.  Without the zips hanging out of the sides on the bag in the pic,  I couldn't work out which was top and bottom, nor  which was front and back, .  .   It was a particularly complicated couple of steps, and I just couldn't orientate myself and the bag to work out what I was sewing to what.  I unpicked the bit I'd got wrong, and then I put the whole bag down and walked away so that I could look at it with fresh eyes later.

I came back to it the following day, (the day of the  bad night),  and looked at it without the instructions.  I had a go at  turned it through, and I could see that it was going to need a double turn through.   Luckily, I've previously made  complicated bags that I've made on the embroidery machine,  and I'm used to having to turn a bag twice.  

I had a go at turning it (still with part of it unsewn), which results in an inside out bag, and then  pulling it through the zip area so the bag is right sides out.   It looked OK - but wasn't yet useable because I hadn't done the last couple of bits of stitching.     

I marked the back of the unsewn ends with chalk to indicate which piece was which, and then reversed the two turns to put me back where I started.  I could then better work out where I should have stitched.     In the end, the bag was too small anyway, so I didn't  bother to finish it.     

I was happy that I'd been able to work it out, and I'm counting that as a definite win.

I measured and  cut all the pieces for a bigger version,  and I interfaced them all, and pressed them, and put them to one side ready to sew up the next day.

Then I had my bad night, and they (and the iron) have been sitting on the table-top ironing board waiting for my attention.   DH has been very kind in not commenting on how everything is encroaching at the moment.

 As soon as my back has improved sufficiently,  I'll have another go.  

Not better, just better at managing

I mentioned a few weeks ago that I'd had some impulse purchases and I was expecting Buyer Remorse to kick in.

One of the purchases was a Renpho neck massager.Its a weird thing, like a scarf with slings for one's arms.  There are rotating massaging things which roll and squeeze,  and it's heated. It also has three intensity settings, which I initially described as ranging from  "Ow!" to  "F*cking OW!", 

I then learned that there is a switch so iI can reverse the direction of the rolling and squeezing, and I can move it around so its rolling and squeezing more or less where I need it to.  Once I'd got that sorted out (and put the heat on) it no longer hurt on the lower setting.  I revised my "Ow!" description to "ooh, not bad"

I gave myself a couple of short sessions, and then I did one really long session, which really did seem therapeutic.  I was a little surprised, I hadn't really thought it would work, I was just desperate enough to try anything.

I had a session with my Chiro about a week after that, and she asked me if I'd had any other treatments since I last saw her.  I said no, and she checked specifically that I hadn't seen the Physio, or anything.  and It was only later I realised that my Renpho might have made an improvement. I suppose it could be the sleep bra. Or a combination.

This cheered me up, and prompted me to try and think of all the thing which feel better/less bad than they have been in the almopst-2 years since "all this" started,  (I'm putting that in so I don't completely forget that there was a time when I didn't have any of this going on.  I've forgotten what it felt like,  but I'm not yet ready to forget that such a time existed).

It was a good thing to do, and it made me feel quite sunny.

....

A couple of nights ago, I managed to deactivate the NightShift device.   It needed charging, so it was only buzzing once when I turned it on, and it's the same buzz then for turning on and turning off.  I suspect I turned it on when I put it on, and then "turned it on" (that is, turned it off, thinking I was turning it on) when I got into bed.

However it happened, the end result was I woke up in the night, but I was on my back, and my back and head were throbbing. I managed to sit up while everything drained, but it was very painful.    Thank goodness for my Wellue ring, which woke me because my o2 levels were low.

In the morning, after more than the usual interruptions, I felt like crap.  I felt like I was carrying a rolled up carpet around my neck and back.   I used most of the hot water (my husband is so kind about me doing that) trying to ease the pain.  I concentrated on working out exactly where I was feeling the pain, and trying to describe it to myself.

My face was swollen, the back of my head hurt and had some squidgy bits,  it wasn't great.

On the plus side,  it confirmed (in case I had forgotten) that the devices are helping.  It also reminded me - in case I needed reminding - that I am not actually getting better, I'm just getting better at managing the symptoms.    I resolved to phone and chase my hospital referral.  I resolved to contact the Apnoea consultant.  

Once again, I failed on both counts. But I'm still resolved to doing it. Soon. Really. 

Yesterday was not a good night. Better than the one where I'd stuffed up,  but not great.  I'm now in discomfort rather than pain though,  I'm not carrying a carpet now, but I do have someone's knee in my back (or I've been punched in the back, I can't decide which description is more accurate).

I know it'll get better, so I'm once again thinking about the things which are better than they have been (in the last 2 years).

............

I'm sitting with the Renpho on again as I type, and it really does seem to be  helping.   If I get it in the right place, the squeezing part of the motion is soothing rather than painful.  I'm still only on intensity 1.

Breathing Space

We got the British Heart Foundation (BHF)  to come and collect the the gorgeous TV cabinet from the living room (and I got them to take the mattress from the sewing room at the same time).

I was sorry to see the cabinet go; it had cost us a lot of money (£1400, some years ago), and it was a lovely piece of furniture, very well designed by an American company called BDI.  The arthritis in my neck meant I needed to get a lower cabinet, which we ordered months ago (and then it took months to arrive),   The new cabinet is pleasant enough.

The BDI cabinet has been sat blocking the dining room end of our living room since the new cabinet arrived.     It was a sad relief for it to go.  Sad, because I really did like it, and I was sorry that we couldn't find a buyer,  and a relief  because it's given the room so much more breathing space now.  

 I've moved the dining table more into the centre of the room now., something I couldn't do before because I was trying to get used to that taking up so much space.  Now the BDI has vacated the space,  the table doesn't seem as big,   so I've moved it before I get used to having the space available,

I'm hoping that the removal of the mattress from the sewing room will encourage me to go and do some sewing, or embroidering, or both.  

I'm trying, yet again,  to clear the sewing table in the kitchen.   

I made myself chuckle when I realised that I haven't used it for cutting for the last few items - I've used the breakfast bar instead - so I'm not really sure why I feel the need to clear it before I can do any sewing.  I suspect it's something to do with getting in the right frame of mind, and clearing the table clears my mind. 

Or something like that, anyway. 

Normal

I realised this morning that  I no longer really remember what "normal" (that is, pre all this malarkey starting) feels like.  It was not a happy realisation.

I didn't have a great night last night, and my back feels like I'm carrying a roll of carpet round my shoulders.  As I was trying to ease my right shoulder in the shower,  I was thinking how different it felt to yesterday, when I felt well.  

As I thought the thought,  I realised that there was something not right about that statement.  I went back over it and analysed it a bit, and then it hit me.  When I expressed the words 'I felt well',   I hadn't used the term 'well' in the sense of  'relatively well'.    Up to that very point,   when I thought  of myself as feeling "well", I always (used to) think "relatively well, compared to other days since this started in 2021. But not well compared to how I used to feel before it all started".

Suddenly, 20 months in (23 if we go back to the start of the heart stuff),  and my reference point of what is "normal" has changed.   Just like that. 

I thought about this some more.

I was still thinking in relative terms a week or two ago.  I'm pretty sure that last week, 5 days ago, staying in a rented cottage near my parents for 2 nights when I was thinking about whether I slept OK, I was still thinking relatively.

I tried to remember what it was like before all of this.   I tried to remember waking up, having slept through the night.  I tried to recall what it is like to wake up and not feel any pain/discomfort.  I tried to remember what it was like to just get on with whatever, without having to deal with whatever.

I could no longer remember what it was like. 

I felt the loss of this quite sharply,  as if I'd given up on getting back to "normal".   I was tempted to slide into a puddle of self-pity,  exacerbated by the ache in my side.  I used distraction techniques, and I gave myself a metaphorical slap.  I tried to concentrate on how lucky I am rather than how unlucky I am.   

The ache in my side was most likely caused by me not wearing a sleep bra yesterday.   So (a) that serves me right,   and (b) it looks like the sleep bras are making a difference.

 

 

 

Brava!

For the last 3 or so months, I've been sleeping on my side, enforced by my NightShift
device which goes off if I lie on my back.   

A couple of months ago, I started to get pain down my sides, and I was sure it was directly related to side sleeping, although I couldn't really work out why.   It's continued ever since.

A week or so ago, I was trying to relieve my back and neck pain by doing a kind of self-adminsistered  myofascial release,  when I realised that the side pain was in the same place on both sides.  I massaged each side for a bot, trying to locate the source spot.  

When I found it,  it occurred to me that my boobs might be causing the problem.  DH suggested wearing a bra (me, not him) in bed, to see if it helped.   I didn't like the idea, as I could foresee all sorts of issues with it.  However, I couldn't think of a better option and,   a day or so later, I remembered that I had bought a "Lounge Bra" from Bravissimo, last time I had placed an order.   It didn't give enough support to be a day wear bra, but I'd kept it anyway.    I wondered if it might work for sleeping.  I tried it.

Pic from Bravissimo website

After the first night,  it was too soon to tell if it made any difference to the side pain.   I did have horrendous neck pain though, and I was sure it was my poor neck complaining about having to heft my boobs all night.  I guess it was not a surprise.    

After the second night, the neck pain wasn't too bad,  but I still couldn't tell if it was helping with the side pain.    After the 3rd night, the neck pain had become more tolerable, and  I decided I'd better order a second bra: turning around the washing and drying so I could wear the same night it was washed wasn't working too well.

I was surprised to read just how many big boobed women  routinely wear a bra to sleep in.  I found aninteresting article about it on the Bravissimo website, including how they introduced a sleep bra to try and accommodate some requests they had, and they were completely unprepared for its success.   It's here if you are interested

I think it might be helping, but I'm not 100% sure.   I'm going to carry on until at least my next Chiro appointment and see how things feel when she has had a poke around.

F*x up!

I'd got out of the habit of checking the garden cameras.   We knew we had two regular cat visitors, who liked to look for rats around the Girls coops, but there was never anything else.

Until a couple of nights ago.

I was surprised to see footage from about 4.20 am.  And I was startled to see what looked like a fox in the bottom corner. .   I then saw there were quiet a few recordings from that night, and we had not one, but  two foxes.  

As I watched each short video, I became increasingly worried.  One of them had spent quite a lot of time on top of the Cube, looking for a way in.

I went back through previous days' footage, and found that they weren't coming every night, but they had been before.

We had installed doors  at the back underneath and down the long side of each Cube's run.  The orange Cube - the one with the fox on - had an additional large door on the other side of the run.  All the doors were secured with long drop pins, but I was concerned that a determined, small, fox might manage to force a gap.  Just in case,  and a door on the side which as secured with a pin. It looked secure enough, but I wanted to make sure.  I went out and cable tied the doors. It means we can't use them (unless we cut and replace the cable ties), which is a pain if we have to access the hens in that part of he run.  But it's better to do this right now.

I also cable tied the piece of mesh which separates the large walk in run from the walk in run which covers our fruit cage.  We'd blocked it off some months ago to give the ground time to rest,   and because I wanted an area where I could introduce Newbies this year.     I needed to make sure that if a fox got into the fruit cage run, they wouldn't be able to force themselves into the main run.

DH said our old Foxwatches were knackered, so I ordered two new ones. They should be here mid week.  

Yesterday, we gathered up the old Foxwatches and all the wiring, and DH spend a couple of hours working on them. He managed to repair one, and possibly repair the other.   They are now back outside, hopefully doing their job. I've labelled them (and I'll label the new ones when they arrive) so we can tell which one is which.    The old ones are called "Carrott" and "Cheery"; the new ones will probably be "Vimes" and "Nobby".

They didn't come back last night, but that's not unexpected.

 

 

 

A weak week

What an odd week it has been.

I made both skirts in the end,  big win :-)   

Both are still waiting to be hemmed. :-(   

I've tried giving myself a talking to,=. I've tried a range of usually successful techniques to motivate myself.  I've even gone into the room to do it, and then walked out again,   I know what the problem is, and it's a really stupid thing.

I need to get rid of the old mattress which is standing in the Sewing Room (Guest Bedroom). I know I am being ridiculous,  but it's just changed the whole feeling of the room.  It' makes it  awkward to nmove the embroidery machine stand so that I can actually get to my coverstitch machine, and I guess that it's not taking a lot to put me off at the moment.  I'll get it sorted.#

I had a day where I was (relatively) full of energy and gave the kitchen a really thorough clean, and mopped all the downstairs floors.   I also gave the living room a good going over, and it looks quite tidy and welcoming again  :-)

We had Miss Teen on Sunday afternoon, and Monday evening, and Tuesday evening :-)   DH helped her with her Physics revision,  and I helped her understand her Maths homework.    I made pizza yesterday.  I used the oven for the first time in a looooong time to do thin ones for myself and DH.  I made a deep pan version for Miss Teen, and I cooked that in the air fryer.  It worked surprisingly well.

I bought some more of the short and stubby haynets, and I used those to hang vegetables for the Girls.   If they use them, it will save me having to drill their veg to hang it.  There is no reason to suspect they won't use them,  they use the one the Alfablock is in, However, hens are hens, and that means we take nothing for granted.

We also finally put the multi height perch in their run, and of course they've ignored it completely.  I tried to encourage Astrid (the Leghorn) to use it, but she just panicked.  She's the hen who is most tolerant of being picked up,  plus she's back in lay and crouching for me.  I will persevere.

Other stuff has happened, which I can't (or, more accurately,  don't want to) write about.

I had a few impulse purchases over the last few weeks and, so far,  all have worked out and I'm not suffering  Buyers Remorse.   Only one of them was a brand new purchase, a Zebra 6x4 label printer, and I used my birthday money anyway for that.  I buy all my postage online now, even the normal first class postage.  No more printing, cutting, using strips of double sided tape to stick the label to the parcel!    I have to chuckle at the situation where such a thing brings me such joy. :-)

I finally started watching The House of Elliott, which I'd bought (preloved, of course) on DVD a year?  2 years? ago.     I didn't watch it when it originally aired on TV,  but it was discussed on one of the sewing groups a while ago because the designs are gorgeous.     I'd bought it because I thought my sewing DGD, G,  might like to see the clothes. 

I was surprised and delighted to find that it was written by Jean Marsh and Eileen Atkins, who also wrote Upstairs Downstairs.      I've managed to watch 7 episodes so far, I've not much opportunity to binge watch.   I love it!  I'm not sure it'll capture DGD's interest though,  probably too slow moving for her.  Personally I quite like the gentle speed of the plot and character development.

And then today I woke up with a stonker of a headache, and had to miss Pilates.  I finally managed to get up about an hour ago, and that was only because the migraine tablets had kicked in sufficiently.   It wasn't a migraine, but I did have associated vomiting, and one of the ingredients in Migraleve is for sickness,..   The tablets are wearing off a bit now, so I need to take things easy.

I'm not sure whether the headache is related to my sleeping problems, or whether it was caused by something I ate.  The two candidates are last night's pizza (although I've eaten the same ingredients in the same combination before with no headache), or a new fruit tea I'd tried.  I strongly suspect the fruit tea (because it pops into my head every time I think about my headache) ,  but I don't know which of the ingredients is likely to be the culprit.   

I need to go for another lay down now.

Skirting around

I made a skirt!

As soon as the two pieces of fabric arrived, I pout them in to wash and then hung them up to dry.  They've been sitting on airers waiting for me ever since.

For the first couple of days, I was either too unwell or too busy to do anything.

Then I was just too busy.

Two days ago I cleared space so I could do the cutting,  but then got sidetracked with a Server problem.  And then I spent a day going through thousands of emails deleting redundant stuff and filing things.

Yesterday, I cleared the space even more and, as I went to bed, I put the pattern templates on the table, ready.

Today I took a deep breath and cut and sewed the first one. It's lovely.  It just needs hemming, and I decided to wait until had made both and then do the hemming all in one go.   I want to cut and sew the secoind one before I put everything away,  but I'm not sure I have the energy. 

Guirec Soudee's Momo has died

I read today that Guirec's hen, Momo (Monique) has died.  She was 9 years old.   I'm crying like I've lost one of my own Girls.

Momo was Guirec's sole companion on some of his wild sailing exploits.  She spent months at sea with him. as he travelled from the North Pole to the South Pole/     The adventures and exploits were amazing, and well worth reading if you have time.  

https://www.facebook.com/GuirecSoudeeAventurier/

9 years is a fab age for a hen, and she lived an extraordinary life.   

 

Better

I had a few more crap nights, despite wearing the devices and doing the right things.  Things were not as bad as they had been on Tuesday night/Wed morning,  I guess my body was still dealing with that.  

Yesterday morning, I felt reasonably OK, apart from the backache. I'd woken up many times, but the alarms hadn't gone off so I was turning before things became a problem.  The numbers, when I looked at them later, were good.  

I'm going to have to ask my GP to refer me for a CPAP. 

I wrote the letter a few days ago, but I haven't taken it to the surgery yet.  I guess I'm still believing that finding and fixing the underlying problem with my back will magically make everything else OK.  Once I start on the CAP route....  Mind you,  I'm already stuck with having to wear devices,  so this would just be a different device - and it might be better overall.    

Neither the Respiratory consultant nor the CPAP consultant thought that a CPAP would help with the back pain, which is why I didn't pursue it earlier.

I need to just get on and do it.

In other news.... 

..still no eggs, despite Astrid crouching for me every time she sees me. The Girls are still stuck in Flockdown, of course.  They've all got very vocal in the last few days, and I'm guessing this is Spring Fever.   I'm so very tempted to get 3 new girls, but I think I might wait until Poppy goes. Poppy is 10 and a half,   and I don't want to stress her.

 ...Miss Teen is doing her mock GCSEs for the next two weeks.  She's here revising as I type. Well, actually, she's eating pancakes as I type, but she's was revising all yesterday afternoon and evening, and she will be revising again very shortly.

....I bought fabric, which feels like a bit of a fail as I've been so very good at not buying fabric for so long now.   In my defence,  I bought two specific pieces of fabric,  both of them are to make skirts,  and I will be making said skirts as soon as fabric arrives and has been washed (back, neck, etc permitting).

.....DH has managed to do a wodge of decluttering, and several crates of stuff from his study left the house last week.   Small wins must be celebrated.

.....we are both addicted to squardl.  It varies from ridiculously easy to something of a challenge,   exacerbated by the occasional US spellings. 

Such an exciting life!

Bleurgh

A few dodgy nights.  Not sure what has changed and why stuff has got worse overnight.

After trying a few things, last night I decided not to wear one of the devices overnight as I think it in itself is causing me some issues.

I woke up fewer times (yay).  I got up early because the Girls had kicked off and weren't stopping.  but I felt really bleurgh when I got up.

I schlepped downstairs, out to the Girls, couldn't see what they were moaning about, came in. Put the teamaker on.  Took off the smaller device, which I had worn, and plugged it in to download.

The numbers were horrible. 

No wonder I feel like crap.

At least I know, and I know that things will be better tomorrow if I wear the other device tonight.

Pilates later, going to be tough today.

 

Win, lose or drawer

After a few not so good weather days, today dawned bright and sunny.   

I wasn't quite up to doing Spring cleaning,  but I did make a good stab at a fairly thorough "swish and swipe" of the kitchen.  I also reviewed two of the freezer drawers, making 3 done in total since Friday.  These days I take the wins I can.

One of today's drawers was the "Ready Meals" drawer.  Whenever we cook something like a curry, or casserole,  we cook double and freeze the spare in two-meal portion sizes.  I binned something marked as "no idea" , where the bag was blown and the contents didn't look great.   I also binned some ancient soup, which were also in blown bags.     I wish I knew which brand of vacuum seal bag was doing this,  it's so annoying!

I took out some beef casserole, and some aligot mash, for dinner tonight. 

From the "Not Beef" drawer,  I removed 4 x 250g packs of mutton mince, which I'll turn into Shepherds Pie mince tomorrow.      I've got quite a lot of cubed mutton as well, so I'll aim to make something with it later  in the week.  I also found - and  reminded DHabout - a pack of calves liver and a pack of venison mince, both of which are for him not me.

The drawers have been cleaned and stuff is currently well arranged (that'll last 5 minutes I expect !).   I've got space to bring some pork and sausages in from the chest freezer.  I need to excavate to the bottom of that to see what pork joints are out there, as I guess it may be pig time soon.    

It's not too difficult, as I keep stuff organised in bags-for-life.   Rather than excavating many individual items, I just pull out the whole bag (for example, there's a a bag of diced pork,  a bag of minced pork,  a bag of frozen chips etc etc) .   It's on my "to do" list.  I may even actually do it!

I've also got doors and windows open to let the fresh air in.  It really does feel like Spring.

I was browsing selling sites earlier in the week - the day I was feeling really quite well (was that Wedneday? I can't remember).    I bought a couple of "bargains",  and both of them turned out to be really good buys.

One was an updated version of my Severin milk frother,  which I had been looking at buying new for some time (but couldn't justify the expense).   It's lovely, well worth the money, and even lovelier because it was a bargain.

The second was a new keyboard.  Again, I'd been looking at these since I decided not to back them (or something like them) on Kickstarter.    Again, I couldn't justify the cost of a new one.  There were lots of them available, many new unused and a great price,  but they weren't the colour and key combination that I really wanted.

And then I saw a really lovely baby blue one.  It wasn't really the blue that appealed to me, it was the round, white, keys.  it was a good price, and I bought it.    It arrived the next day, and I've been using it ever since. 

I love that I can connect it to my laptop, my phone AND my tablet, and I can stand the phone or the tablet on it.  Shiny!

I imagine that the noise of the keys will be driving DH a bit nuts, although I guess it helps him know what I'm up to even when he's in a different room :-)

 

 

Rhyme and Reason

I had a couple of good days. Yesterday (or was it the day before?)  was really interesting, because my eyesight had improved!  I could see the crossword perfectly - with my varifocals on I mean.

For the last couple of months, I've not been to read the print clearly. Even my trick of moving my glasses stopped working.  I'd got a pair or glasses with just my reading prescription in, and i had started utting them on to do the crossword with DH at breakfast.

On this occasion,  I didn't need to at all.  It was so strange.  It was the same crossword (from the Sunday paper)  in the same place as the rest of the week.  I know I'd had a good night the night before, very few oxygen drops (I checked AFTER i'd realised my eyesight was working).

Today though.... meh.  Back to reading glasses.

A whiff of Spring?

Spring must be in the air.

The back door is open, letting cold fresh air flood the kitchen.   It's cold, unless I position myself in a shaft of sunlight.

I can feel the stirrings of the urge to Spring Clean, and I decided to start small and manageable.

This morning  I had put a kitchen stand thing on the top shelf of my wardrobe.  had had to clear the shelf to do it.  I couldn't reach the back, so I had to get up on steps.    Once I was up on steps I could see the layer of dust on the top of the wardrobe, and that's what started me off.]

Firstly, I went through everything that was on that shelf. I binned most of the stuff that I had forgotten about. I reorganised the rest.  I moved some other stuff up here.   

Then I tackled the wardrobe tops.  I took everything down,   cleaned the wardrobe, and then reviewed the stuff that had stored up there.  One of the wardrobes has spare hangers on it, and they always get into a not.   I found a neat way of storing those.    I binned some stuff.  I put a couple of Ikea bits to one side to offer on our village freebie page. 

One of the things up there was a teddy bear that was given to me by my youngest Uncle and his wife when I was 6?   I remember opening the Christmas wrapping paper, and finding this enormous, golden furred teddy bear, about the same size as me (that's what I remember, I'm not sure it's true).  I was so happy.

Ted stayed with me all my life.  During my teenage years, his splayed arms provided the perfect sized shoulder to sob into.    In my early adult years, he lived on my bed, in a series of rooms that I rented, and then in the house I bought.  When my (now husband) moved in, he (Ted, not my husband) lived on other things in the bedroom.  

When we moved here, he still lived in the bedroom, on various things, usually at the back, covered in other stuff,  until he ended up sitting on top of my wardrobe.  I'd put a couple of other toys up with him originally, to keep him company.  I must have decluttered them at some point as they weren't there now, and he was lying on his back right at the back where he couldn't be seen.   Poor Ted.

Today, I looked at him  and gave him a cuddle, and  thought about that day when I got him.  I thought about my Uncle and my Aunt (who died a few years ago), and I thought about all the times I cried into Ted's shoulder.   

I decided he might fancy a spell on the spare bed, so that's where I put him.

He needs a clean, he's not looking his best... but to me he's the same lovely Ted he's always been. 

 

Frames of Reference

I was thinking about my health and how, without me realising, my frame of reference for how I am doing keeps moving.

I realise that when I evaluate how I'm doing/feeling, I think of it compared to, say, how bad the pain has been, rather than how I was before this all started.  

For example,  for the last few days, I was feeling that I was doing quite well.  Until I tried to do something pathetically simple.  I was lying on the floor doing my darts, swimming, and swan dive stretching, when I tried to look up at the TV,   I couldn't raise my head, my neck was having none of it.  I realised I couldn't do it at all. 

I was shocked, and realised that I wasn't really doing that well.  Yes, if I was graphing what I was feeling and what I was able to do compared to 2 months ago, maybe the line would be going upwards.... but compared to Before.....it's almost incomparable.

The additional factor is the reason that I feel like I'm doing better than I was, is only because I'm wearing a device which forces me to sleep on my sides.  If I temporarily trick it (as I do sometimes), so that I can sneak in a lie on my back,  then things go downhill.     If  I turn it off so that I can stretch my neck and back properly  and I fall asleep, then things are really poor.    If I didn't wear it at all,  I would be right back to where I was when this started.

I suspect this is going to matter quite a lot at some point. Like when I eventually get my Ortho appointment. 

Additional bits of me have recently started to complain, or fail,  or both.  It's tiring, frustrating, painful

I am horribly aware that there are so many people with more debilitating conditions than mine, so I do (believe it or nor!) work hard to not wallow in self pity, and not to complain about it in real life.   I'm writing about it here so I can get it out of my system.

And I've added some new stretches and manipulations to my already loooong list of exercises and routines, and I've  given myself a talking to.   

And I'm reminding myself that it took me 19 months to get to the (hopefully) bottom of the graph, and at least the line is going in the right direction now.

 

Kev vs. Sugar

I'm struggling with sugar cravings at the moment.   

I'm guessing the Kefir may be working, and the "bad bacteria" in my gut are demanding sugar to support them.   It's so hard to resist. 

I've gradually  increased the amount of Kefir I'm drinking, and for the last couple of days I've been drinking about 180ml.  I keep Kevin in a 250ml Weck jar, with just the glass lid on, no rubber seal.   He lives on the kitchen worktop. 

I was just about to type "this works well, unless the jar gets knocked over" .   I don't remember when we last knocked the jar over,  but I can bet that it will happen now I've thought about it.   And I don't have any backup grains.

I used to keep him in a 500ml jar, but I stopped drinking Kefir, and it was taking a lot of milk to keep him going.  He moved to his new jar some time ago, and it seems to be working well.  I also changed the routine, and the new system is working really well.    I strain him in the evening before I go to bed, and I put the strained milk in a cup in the fridge, ready for me to drink first thing in the morning.  Then I put Kev in a clean jar and cover him in fresh milk.

 He's been quite prolific this way, despite the cold weather.  The strained milk tastes better, and is a little thicker, after its "overnighting". 

 I've been discarding the excess grains, I got rid of a load just a couple of days ago. (Slaps forehead).

I hope that Kev remains prolific for a few days so that I can take some grains and freeze them.

Just in case.

 

 

Fork Handles

I made a mega batch of pork and beef chilli in the pressure cooker last night, using Catherine Phipps' recipe from her fab Modern  Pressure Cooker book.    It involves quite a lot of spices, most of which I ground myself from while spices. 

After dinner, when the rest of the batch had been portioned up and put in the freezer,  the house smelled strongly of the spices. 

This morning, it still smelled.

Part of the problem was the pressure cooker seal, which  tends to cling on to stinky things.   I dishwashered it, and then put it in a sealed bag with a load of bicard.  I put a clean seal in its place.  The house still smelled,  so for the first time in a long time, I lit a candle.

All my candles come from a company called St Eval.   I have a list o fthe ones of thirs that I really really like,  those that I like,  those that are OK but I wouldn't buy again,  those that I don't like, and those that I will never again have in my house (which is a very short list).

I'm burning one of my favourites, Bergamot and Nettle.    There isn't much left in the tin, so I thought I'd order a replacement.   

I thought I'd buy some scents in their reed diffuser range while I was at it, but their range of oils is much smaller than their range of candles, so I ended up buying candles (in tins) for some of their new scents,  I wanted to try Cucumber and Black Pepper, but DH recently confessed that he can't stand the smell of cucumbers (which is unfortunate as he grows many of them for me).   I bought a fourth new one, opting for tealightts instead of a tin, to keep the cost down whilst still qualifying for free delivery. 

I've got four candles coming.    I'm hoping that at least one of the new 3 will be added to my  favourites.

 

Intolerance

There was an offer on a food intolerace test on Wowcher recently.   I'd bought one years ago, but never actually did it.     This time,   I bought it, redeemed it,  and sent my hair sample off the next day.   

I did it because I am having some issues related to eating, and I was curious to know what might be the culprit(s).

I went for the most comprehensive test option, which tests all sorts of things. The test result show "high reactivity", "moderate reactivity" and "no reactivity".

 I'm not sure what to think of the results.

On the foods list, I have "high reactivity" to rye/bread rye; eggs (really?!); lemonade; lemon; goat meat; pecans; pine nuts; fish sauce; prawns; shrimps.      I eat a lot of Rye - Ryvita is my favourite lunchtime snack, and I thought it was a healthy option!       I'm wondering if I was flagging up a sensitivity to Rye and Egg because I eat those all the time?

On the non-food sensitivities, I had a few "moderates", but no "high", which is a surprise as I have severe hayfever.   One of the things I am most sensitove to, "rape",  was showing as no sensitivity,  anywhere near the crop and I get a pounding headache and stuffy head.

On the Additives analysis, I've got 4 "high reactivity" results (and a few "moderate").  

I'm also showing as low in Calcium, which is a surprise as I have milk every day, and low in B2. The B2 is especially odd because (a)  it's unusual to have a low B2 score but to be OK with all other vitamins, and (b) one of the main sources of B2 is eggs. I eat an egg every day!

I most surprised (and a little disappointed, as it made me question the validity of all the results) that "Capsicum - Red"  gave no reaction, because  it definitely makes me ill. Not just a reaction, it makes me very unwell. Every time.  Even when I don't know that I've eaten it.

I'm grateful that I've got relatively few "moderate" or "high" that actually matter to me.  Most of the ones that came up were ones that I don't like anyway, or I don't have anyway.   Only "egg" shows as a problem on the Dairy list, I had fully expected cheese to be flagged (at least as "moderate")  and it wasn't.

One of the very surprising/unsurprising things was that I had a problem with my gut bacteria.   I eat a wide diet, lots of vegetables, very little processed foods, so I was surprised at this section (although not surprised, given that I'm having issues eating). I've only recently restarted taking Kefir every day, so I wonder if I'd get a different result if I tried again in a couple of weeks?

This led to me wondering which bit of the hair was tested.  They asked for a sample cut as close to the head as possible.   I did that, but I have long curly hair.  If they tested the end (rather than the bit where I'd cut my hair) then the results might show a difference because the hair at the bottom is much older than the hair near the skull.

The recommendation is that I do an elimination diet for 4 weeks. Not just the "high" but also the "moderates" (and there are a lot of those,  some of which are a bit of an unwelcome surprise.     The idea is that food are then reintroduced 1 at a time after that.

I can imagine I might have to do it at some point, just to see what happens.    I don't really want to do it now because I don't really have enough confidence in the accuracy of the report, and I've got to get some other blood tests done anyway and I don't want to change things too much in case it affects those other results.

I think I will do a restest in a few weeks - if the Wowcher offer comes up again.   Between now and then, I'll make sure I take my Kefir every day, and I'll add almonds back in to my diet for the B2 and the calcium. Ironically I'd stopped eating them because I thought they might be part of the problem.  I'll ask DH to stop adding rye flakes to the bread for a while. 

When I do the retest, I'll stick the old ends of the hair to a paper strip (or I'll send very short bits), so I know they will be testing the most recent bit.  

We'll see.

 

 

 

Small wins

I decided to sort out our overflow staples shelves in the utility room today.  I'm chuckling at how I'm reduced to finding such things a win, but writing it down helps me see where things are getting better and where they are not.

Anyway.

My Ocado delivery arrived and I found I'd accidentally left another litre bottle of olive oil in the order, forgetting that I'd already bought one when I'd popped into the supermarket for something and saw it was on offer.  I'd meant to delete it, but I couldn't get into the App at the time and then I forgot that I'd already got one when I checked my order for the final time.

I went into the utility room to put it away, and had no where to put it.  The shelves were completely disorganised, and I'd got out of the habit of ensuring stock rotation.   I stared at shelves for a while, playing Shelf Testris in my mind, and trying to work out what the best organisation strategy was.  

I decided I'd start with one shelf and see how I got on

The shelves are ancient, from Ikea about 25 years ago, and are sturdy but aren't really great for this type of thing.  The consumables are stored on two columns of half width shelves, which are at right angles to each other at the corner of the room.  They have bits where stuff easily gets lodged and overlooked.

For example, on one shelf I found 8 x 250ml bottles of homemade Cherries in Kirch, which we'd done in 2009.  I opened one, it smelled OK, but I looked at them and knew that if I hadn't used then in the last 14 years, I probably never would.  I emptied them into a colander in the sink.

On the equivalent place on another shelf I found 6 x200ml bottles of Prosecco.  That can go out in to the summerhouse fridge.

On another shelf, there was some unopened dry cat food, which was originally for our old girl who died last year and which I'll pass on to the local rescue place.  There was some cordial that I'm never going to drink,  and some tins of mixers that I bought to try and didn't like.

I found some needle-less syringes (which I use when having to dropper feed the Girls). They were on what used to be the petfood shelf, but we don't need a shelf for that anymore.  I've put them on the side to find a new home.

Once I'd got all  that sorted out, I started to try and organise things better.  

 I put non-perishable things (like spare plastic bags) down dark hidden recesses.   I organised the foodstuffs by expiry date and by type of food.   Some of the stuff has an expiry date but it's a bit of a nonsense (like tea, vinegar, sugar) and I won't throw those away but I have moved the expired stuff into the kitchen so it gets used. 

I ended up sorting 8 shelves, and there is a bit of space left.   I can see where I have absolutely no need to buy certain things for a long time (and I will resist the temptation, even if said stuff is on offer).

I just need to try and keep it sorted now.

I need to think about how to sort out some of the other shelves as well.   Our sausage stuffer, which is a tall upright one,  currently lives in the loft. Now we are getting a bit creaky, it is a bit of a faff to move it downstairs (and back up again)  when we want to make sausages.  I would like to get it into the part of the utility room where I keep "occasional use" equipment.   

Not today though.

 

I will win.

The garden is full of green leaves, where bulbs are waiting to burst through.  I'm looking forward to seeing the flowers.

Today I was able to walk to Pilates without putting something on over my leggings.  The hall was a bit chilly, we were a bit late, and we had to put our mats by the door. Usually there are 6 or so of us, and we all have our usual spots.    The class was packed - today there were 11 of us!    At least four of the regular group were in new spots, and we chuckled quietly at what creatures of habit we are.   

I didn't mind the new spot too much, apart from the fact that I was right by the door, the door has a bug gap underneath, and there was quite a draught.  I should have thought about it and covered it with my coat, and I'll do that next time. 

Someone asked our teacher about starting a second daytime class, and she said she'd review it later this month.  I guessed that at least a couple of the newcomers were teachers, because they looked  like teachers. (And many people are on strike today).

It was a good class, and I made myself be aware of the things that I was able to do better than recently.  There were some bits that I really struggled with (and have done for a few months) but I was happy that  could see some improvements.   

I've been very remiss lately.  I'd had several months of eating a raw, grated, carrot every day, and recently I've hardly done it.  I reintroduced it to my diet a few days ago, and I want to get back to that being normal.    I've been good with eating large quantities of vegetables - my plate is usually half vegetables now.   I'm trying to make sure I have some Kefir every day (but this is only day 4, since I started again).

I've booked a blood test so I can see if I am on the right amount of Levothyroxine.  I suspect I'm taking too much, and that might be the cause of some of the issues I've been experiencing recently.    The test isn't for a while, and I'm going to try and avoid avoiding anything sugary until its done.  

I've resisted the elephant in the fridge (the huge quantity of condensed milk) and I haven't risked making the coconut pyramids.  The dessicated coconut is sitting forlornly on the side.  I've not eaten the Maltesers that Miss Teen's mum very kindly bought me as a “Thank You”.    

I'm feeling a bit better for avoiding sugar. Wowcher had a food intolerance test deal on offer,  so I bought that and I've sent off my hair sample.   

I wonder what it will show?

The other thing I've noticed is that my brain fog has improved slightly.       I do Killer Sudoku puzzles from a monthly Killer Sudoku magazine.  I only do the hardest puzzles towards the end of the magazine,  I've noticed that I've been back to doing them really well recently.   I'm also doing Wordle and WordleHurdle much more quickly again (although not at my pre-unwell usual speed).     

Both of these coincided with the reduction in oxygen drops overnight, which coincided with the new mattress.   It's much easier to turn over (when the NightWatch tells me to) than it was on my previous mattress, and I'm getting less need to lie on my back and stretch my neck.  I still get the need, but it's more manageable than before.

I know these are very non scientific and subjective things,  but that doesn't mean it isn't a genuine improvement :-)