I was thinking about my health and how, without me realising, my frame of reference for how I am doing keeps moving.
I realise that when I evaluate how I'm doing/feeling, I think of it compared to, say, how bad the pain has been, rather than how I was before this all started.
For example, for the last few days, I was feeling that I was doing quite well. Until I tried to do something pathetically simple. I was lying on the floor doing my darts, swimming, and swan dive stretching, when I tried to look up at the TV, I couldn't raise my head, my neck was having none of it. I realised I couldn't do it at all.
I was shocked, and realised that I wasn't really doing that well. Yes, if I was graphing what I was feeling and what I was able to do compared to 2 months ago, maybe the line would be going upwards.... but compared to Before.....it's almost incomparable.
The additional factor is the reason that I feel like I'm doing better than I was, is only because I'm wearing a device which forces me to sleep on my sides. If I temporarily trick it (as I do sometimes), so that I can sneak in a lie on my back, then things go downhill. If I turn it off so that I can stretch my neck and back properly and I fall asleep, then things are really poor. If I didn't wear it at all, I would be right back to where I was when this started.
I suspect this is going to matter quite a lot at some point. Like when I eventually get my Ortho appointment.
Additional bits of me have recently started to complain, or fail, or both. It's tiring, frustrating, painful
I am horribly aware that there are so many people with more debilitating conditions than mine, so I do (believe it or nor!) work hard to not wallow in self pity, and not to complain about it in real life. I'm writing about it here so I can get it out of my system.
And I've added some new stretches and manipulations to my already loooong list of exercises and routines, and I've given myself a talking to.
And I'm reminding myself that it took me 19 months to get to the (hopefully) bottom of the graph, and at least the line is going in the right direction now.
