It's been a busy, and mentally quite draining, time with my Mum.
My brother and I took her for a weekend away to Llangollen. Last year she said she wanted to see the aqueduct, that she'd wanted to go for as long as she could remember. We couldn't take her back then because we were still sorting the house out, then she wasn't well enough, then it was the wrong time of year.
DB and I planned to take her at this particular time, aswe always try and do something on dates that are significant to her.
It was a successful trip. We stayed in a lovely Air B&B. As usual, I had searched for one with a downstairs bedroom and bathroom, and this one was very close to the aqueduct. We stayed for 2 nights and visited the aqueduct twice.
The first time, which was the late afternoon we arrived, Mum wasn't up to walking over it, even with her lovely ByAcre. The second time was the following morning, and we had booked a boat trip across. There was also a last minute booking of a large group of German tourists, and that made the crossing even more fun as everyone was very jovial and jolly. The weather was lovely.
We had to wait a while to enter the aqueduct itself as there were a lot of boaters coming the other direction. Some of the boaters were part of a canoe experience group. These were the canoes like the Native American Indians use, rather than the kayak type.
When the first canoe came across, one of the German tourists said to his companion, in German, "Oh look, an indian boat" (like a native american indian boat). More multi person canoes came through, and I had to chuckle when I saw one of them in particular - it was steered by a chap wearing a turban. The tourists roared with laughter (at the coincidence of the man describing the boars as Indian Boats, and then having an Indian man in one), much to the bemusement of the rest of the passengers.
We went into Llangollen, bought some Oggies (welsh pasties) and some other bits for dinner, and had an ice cream. Mum was shattered when we got "home".
The final day we had another quick look at the canal, and then headed back to Mum's "home", stopping to visit a particular Welsh flagship shop on the way.
It was a long day for DB and I. On top of the journey from Llangollen to Mum's home, we then had another just under 4 hours to get home ourselves.
.....
A couple of weeks later, Mum announced that she
wanted to leave the Home and go and live on a residential retirement
mobile home park. She had found a site which had a plot for sale. She wanted to watch the fishing boats come in and go out, she wanted to buy a scooter and scooter herself to the local shop to buy sweets.
She's been very happy at her residential home,
and vigorously resisted our early attempts to get her to consider moving
into sheltered accommodation (or to buy a small place, maybe even near us) instead. Back then, this would have been a
viable option. Now time has moved on, and Mum has grown used to the convenience of being looked after.
We thought something must have happened at the Home to upset her. It took a while to unpick what was going on and
why she now wanted to move, and to work out what the root causes of this decision were.
Mum is perfectly compos mentis, and a grown woman, so we want to support her in what she chooses to do. Even if we think something is a bad idea, we don't just dismiss it out of hand. We have no vested interest in her staying in her current home, apart
from it being a really lovely place and by far the best home we've ever
visited.
We reassured her that if
she wanted to move out of her current Home, that was absolutely no problem. She doesn't have to stay where she is.
If she wanted to move to another residential home, anywhere in the country, that would be fine . If it turned out it wasn't as good as the one she was in now, she could always move back.
If she wanted to move into sheltered
accommodation, truthfully I'd have concerns about her ability to manage, but we
would support her - and if she found it too difficulty she could always move back, or into another Home.
But her proposed movewas really cause for concern, partly because we thought she would struggle to physically manage but mainly because it would be difficult for her to just change her mind and move back should the need arise.
She tried to articulate what prompted her to want to leave, and we talked about whether her proposed move would actually solve the issues she was experiencing.
She could see why we had concerns about the mobile home site option, but she still wanted to do it. She agreed that doing a trial for a couple of weeks first would be a good idea.
We took her to visit the site. It was, indeed, a lovely site. It wasn't quite as she expected, and I don't want to go into the details on a blog post. There would be no scootering, and there was no local shop. The local town was a bit further away than she remembered, and she could see that she wouldn't be able to get herself there. Mum could see that it wasn't going to be quite what she imagined, so we moved on to working out what we might be able to do about sheltered accommodation if she really wanted more independence.
While we were sitting in a traffic jam, waiting for the bin lorry to complete its round along the narrow street of the nearby town, I asked a couple of unrelated questions, and a whole lot more information was forthcoming. We came up with some very workable suggestions, and she seemed happier.
I asked her if she had thought about moving rooms made a suggestion about moving rooms, and Mum told me she would like to, but there were no rooms available. I pointed out that she lived in a retirement home and that, at some point, a room would be available. She asked me to speak to the Home to see if she could go on a waiting list. We also said that, in the meantime we'd buy her a second BAcre so she could have one upstairs and one downstairs, which would remove one of the problems she was experiencing
The Home were brilliant. The end result was that DB and I were back for 2 days a couple of weeks later, decorating her new room and getting her moved in. And the visit 2 weeks after that, was us bringing some additional Ikea furniture and doing a bit of rearranging for her.
She's now very very happy, and has not mentioned moving out again.
Not yet, anyway.