We aren't big on celebrating anniversaries. We have a small series of particular Events that we remember each year with a nod and a mention. This year marks a Significant Number of Years since we got together and the Events are worth a bit more consideration, perhaps.
We've now reached the anniversary second Event which gets an annual nod.
For the first time in..... ever, possibly, I spent some time actively reminiscing (to myself), going over this particular day. (It's quite innocent, just Very Significant in our story).
The reminiscing was quite a pleasant experience, especially as I'd never really thought about it in this level of detail before. I found it quite moving really, and resisted the temptation to let myself reminisce about later events.
The detailed reminiscing made me realise just how many, seemingly inconsequential, individual decisions provided the right conditions. Any one of them being different, and the day would have no significance now.
I idly wondered whether we would have got together without this particular day. After much consideration, I felt that we probably would have, eventually.... and then I wondered why I would think that.
I thought back to the earlier Significant Milestone that we have an annual nod to. Yes, that was a key moment but.....there was something else.
I realised that there was one other day, with its own incredible set of actions and decisions, where our paths crossed and without which we wouldn't be here now.
It's not like I've only just remembered it this other day, I've told the story of the first time I encountered DH a few times... but I hadn't really realised its importance. It's always just been an illustration of what an unlikely couple we are and to illustrate why it's a miracle two such unlikely people would get together.
We've never thought it worthy of even an annual nod. I don't even remember the date of it. I found the realisation of its importance quite shocking.
I decided to explore the memory of that interaction in more detail. I allowed myself the luxury of mentally putting myself back in that time and place, and it triggered quite a few memories of the days following. Such a little stone dropped in a pond, and the huge consequential ripples that were created.
Everything started on this other day, and without it, I don't think we would eventually have gone out together.
For a brief time, I thought about us as we were then. The emotion of the memories were quite overwhelming. I remembered places in very bright detail. Events and conversations and people that I haven't thought of in years. The fragility of it was breathtaking. It could so easily have just been nothing
Because of that other day interaction, DH was one of the faces I recognised in a crowd. I don't recall him ever recognising me. I don't actually know if he attaches any significance to that other day crossed path. His recognition of my existence might have been much later.
As I carried on re-living it, additional memories surfaced (for the first time) : my friend C was concerned I was developing a crush. I didn't think I was and didn't understand why she was saying that; She told her friend M, who then teased me about it (and I didn't really understand what he was getting at, as my interest wasn't like that).
I thought about how we were, back then. The reminiscence turned into a short bout of nostalgia, and I found myself crying a little.
We've been so very lucky.
****
When I decided to write this post, just to preserve my memory of it, I put some music on (which I very rarely do). I found myself blinking tears away again. Apparently relevant or pertinent bits from the songs pulled at my heartstrings, just like they did when I was a teenager (although not the same songs, and not for the same reasons).
