My other, animal loving, best friend asked lots of questions and was very kind. Her sister, who also knew Wash, sent me a lovely message.
My brother came round while we were out. I messaged to let him know we were 40 minutes away. He was still there when we got home.
Miss Tween cried. She has messaged me every night to tell me that she misses Wash. She likes to reminisce, it's her way of dealing with it. I'm not ready to reminisce too much, it's like picking at a scab. I need to let the scab heal before I start scratching at it.
Mostly I've just been pretending that Wash is in another room. Sometimes, the realisation that I'm not going to see him again, or hear his loud purr, or smell his fur, pushes through my pretence.
This morning we received a condolences card from the Vet. It was unexpected, and it made me cry. It made DH well up.
There's lots of other stuff going on, and I need to keep myself under control.
DH is keeping himself busy. I'm trying to clear up, yet again - nothing to do with Wash's stuff. I've been in a bit of a circular "trench" (I can't clear A until I've doneB, I cant do B until C, I cant do D until D, I can do E so I'll quickly do that, I can't do F until D, I can't do G until A... that sort of thing) and I can't summon the energy to break the circle. I know that the clutter is preventing me from doing stuff.... or, at least, it's giving me an excuse for not dong stuff.
Yesterday I managed some unrelated clearing up. This was stuff which is not in the circle, it's a whole different set of stuff but it adds to the general feeling of overwhelming paralysis. It involved clearing a spce in the utility room, moving a large, rarely used, electrical item out of a cupboard into the space in the utility room, (getting side tracked into taking the another item from the utility room and spring cleaning it) then reorganising the cupboard so some smaller electrical stuff on the counter could go in the cupboard but still be easily accessible.
This made a surprising difference and let me sort out two sections of the worktop that they just look untidy now (rather than a mess of stuff).
On the Wash front, we've taken up his food bowl we've disposed of his opened medication; we've offered the unused syringes to a local cat charity (no one local had a diabetic cat that used those syringes). We haven't yet removed the sharps box.
I opened the door to the front bedroom. I was only ever closed to stop him sleeping on the bed in there.
I also decided to break the circle of paralysis. I looked at the mess and resisted the urge to bin everything. Instead, building on yesterdays quick rearrangement, I looked at what was a relatively easy thing to do, but would have an impact. It imvolved me literally sweeping a load of stuff from the bed in the guest room into a pile on the floor, so I had space to work.
I'd better get back to it.
Onwards and upwards.
