Sabotage

I've been doing well with the Kefir, and was surprised to find that I'd lost 5.5kg in the last 3 weeks.  My clothes don't particularly feel looser,  and I know that my weight fluctuates by 3kg anyway when it's hot,  but 5.5kg indicates a definite improvement.

And then yesterday I sabotaged it all, by buying a pack of M&S currant buns and eating them one after the other, on the way home from visiting DH in hospital.  When I got home, I also chomped part of a family bag of vile crisps, until common sense made me throw the rest of the bag in the dustbin.  At least I managed to resist buying a box of Maltesers (which I would have eaten until the box was empty, or I was sick, whichever came first). 

It started by me buying a vaguely sugary drink because I was thirsty and needed an energy boost.  It was 1 am the day before.   This started a sugar craving.  I tried all day to resist.  I stopped to buy petrol. The attached shop was M&S and  I needed to buy some butter (we've run out of home made, and it's too hot to make more). So, I bought that, and some potatoes to bake for my dinner,  and then I saw the buns and couldn't didn't resist.

The first bun was small polite nibbles, and would have been excusable, acceptable, forgivable.   The other three were angry bites,  controlled 'loss of control' sabotage.

I'm tired and feeling a little fragile, and a little sorry for myself.  I'm also annoyed with myself for feeling this way, when actually I should be feeling happy that things aren't a great deal worse, they so easily could have been.


Lots of people are dealing with much worse stuff. 

I need to get a grip.